5ockpuppet

~The hair styles are fucking hedious and those shoes should not be worn anywhere outside of the fetish scene, but I really like the clothes.

[Source]

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Death To the Fascist Insect That Preys Upon the Life of the People!

~I didn't sleep very well. Not sure if I slept at all really. Kept turning this day over in my head. My stomach is bothering me, too.

Sister Two IS coming up here this weekend. After some agonizing on my part last night, I realized I'd screwed up.

I made the decision – one that I didn't even need to make in that moment – from a place of Fear and Scarcity. Those almost always tend to bad decisions. I was stressing about Le-Le, about how much this was going to cost – would we even have money left to eat? - and about just being in that fucking waiting room, which took me back to being homeless.

If I had just waited the whole thing out, telling her what was going on, that maybe we might have to push her visit back, but first seeing how Le-Le felt after getting antibiotics and pain killers...well, her trip would have remained on schedule.

For all my Wisdom and Experience, I am still a very fallible man, and I still have a lot of damage to work through. I hurt S2's feelings and for no good reason. That she will forgive me almost anything doesn't lessen my regret. *sigh*

Most of you are lovely and polite. Some of you though...ugh. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you are not better than us because you make more in an hour than we do all day. Money =/= a better human being. Anyway, here's a few pointers for you all that will help things go more smoothly when you call to order tickets.

1. We don't read minds. Not even a little. So if you ask for 'three tickets' that's exactly what you will get. Don't ask me for three and expect to get six. Someone did this to me yesterday. Three does not equal six, except when multiplied by two.

2. If you have a promotion code, FFS, use the damn thing when you call us! Don't call us a few days later and say "Oh yeah, I wanted to use this promotion code for free drinks/50% off tickets/a blowjob from one of the dancers*." We can't go back and apply it after the fact. Seriously. Our computers won't even allow it, even if we were allowed to do it by management. You should have thought of using it earlier.

3. Along with #2, don't get all huffy and pissed off at us when we nicely tell you it's physically impossible for us to apply the promotion after the tickets are purchased. I understand you might be disappointed and/or annoyed, but all the huffing, puffing, whining and bitching will not suddenly give me the ability to bend time and space and go back and fix it. Also, the more time you make me waste with you, the more sales I lose.

4. Failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on ours. I understand spur of the moment decisions to attend the ballet. The issue is, though, you're competing for tickets with people who purchased tickets in a more timely manner. Also, starting in June, we made calls, sent out emails, over 40 thousand brochures went in the mail, etc. I'm betting most of you who couldn't get tickets then whined and bitched and pulled Entitlement Bitch behavior are the ones who blew us off with one excuse or another or threw the brochure in the trash or shitcanned the emails.

(Note, these are all people who hve attended our ballets in the past, not random cold contacts).

5. As much as I would like to, I can't pull tickets to the performance on the day/time/seats you want out of my ass. If I could magically pull things from my ass, I'd pull out 10 million dollars and retire. Really, we aren't holding anything back, cackling greedily over our tickets that you will never have like goblins with a stash of gold. I *want* to sell you tickets! I make 8.50 an hour, and the commission I get from ticket sales bumps it to 10.50-14.00 an hour, depending. Besides, if I could just give you what you want and make you shut and get off the phone/out of my face, I'd do it.

6. I don't mind checking multiple seats/dates/times for you. It's my job. But if I warn you "I have no way to hold these tickets while I go and check, and someone else could buy them out from under me either by calling in/buying online" and you want me to check anyway, whinging and bitching at length won't bring them back if they do sell. You were warned.

7. This might get called 'not a suck' so I'll present it as a personal annoyance. Please don't pick my brain for a half hour, ask me to check multiples times/seats/dates, then go "I'll call you back', after which you go an order the damned things on Ticketmaster. You won't get a better rate there, and you just deprived me of comission, not to mention wasted time where I could have been helping other people who *would* buy from me. Just a personal gripe, and no ones problem but mine.

I want to be clear: being upset or disappointed about things is in no way a suck. Waiting until the last memoment isn't advisable, especially with The Nutcracker, but it isn't a suck. The suck comes in when people whine, scream, call us names, or pull the Entitlement Bitch routine when things don't go their way. I am always polite and patient on the phones no matter what.

Disappointment/anger aren't sucks, but verbal tantrums are.

Love for most of you,

The Ticket Wench

ETA: *No, you don't get to pick the gender of the dancer. Muahaha. And no, we don't really offer this :D

Is coffee really that great? Really? Is it just so magical that every single person who wants it has to be an asshole? I'm sorry I don't have a coffee maker in the lobby (I'm really not). But you have one in the room! You can make it and drink it roll around in it for all I care!

Stop bothering me about COFFEE! No I won't make the restaurant open early so you can have some! No I won't go to (insert coffee place here) and buy you some! No I have no clue what beans the Waffle House uses or our own restaurant for that matter. We don't have a coffee maker in our lobby anymore cause two morons not unlike you got in a fight over the coffee.

I wish I had a cup right now so I could throw it in your face!

~I am utterly fucking wrung out....

I had been up since around 1ish last night and was kickin' it until Le-Le woke so we could 'do the tax phone call'. But around half seven she can into my room and I could see she was in trouble. She looked 'shrunken' with pain, she was so physically contracted.

It was her lousy teeth, which are fucked from past cortical steroid treatments for her MS. One of them has been 'at her' for days and the infection had gone into her ear. I'd never seen her in that bad a shape and it scared me.

She called the local VA clinic, but they couldn't fit her in, so we wound up at an urgent care clinic out by fucking Mira Loma. We spent the whole morning there, me torn by her suffering and my fear about how much this was gonna cost. [toss a few old 'triggers' about The System in for good measure]

But she got a 'nice English lady doctor', who's prolly an NHS vet, and she took one look in her ear, said, “Oh, yes...”, and gave her penicillin and Vicodin. And that only ran us twenty bucks.

Le-Le's pretty loopy on Vicodin - she was never a serious 'user' of anything – but she needs some healing time...and Healing Energy, too.

I however, am fried....

Like I said, this scared me, and because of it I felt I had to push Sister Two's next visit back, which was this coming weekend and now won't be for two more weeks.

Just a little while ago I was standing in the kitchen talking to Le-Le about how I hate this whole 'transitional period', that if S2 was 'under our roof' now, she have been an organic part of taking care of her, and not some kind of fucking 'guest issue'. That made me start crying.

I love them both and am driven to take care of both of them and right now I feel like I can hardly take care of myself....and, yes, I am crying as I type this.

I need to get some more sleep....

Hi there customer!

You are here to bowl league EVERY Tuesday morning for LORD knows how many years! The league starts at 9:30am EVERY day, and I open the doors for you lovely ladies at 9:00am, giving you plenty of time to get your bowling gear and have a little chit-chat before practice.
There has also been the same piece of paper, with our hours stating that we open at 9:00am on Tuesdays since at least the 4 years I have been working at this center.

So please please PLEASE, don't show up at 8:30am, and stand outside the door staring in to the window. I get in the door at 8:30am, and I only have a half hour to get all my opening stuff done, so I'm not letting you in early.
And don't complain about being left in the cold when YOU showed up 30 minutes before we open, when you know damned well what our hours are.

Thank you very much,
you're friendly but tired (from having to get up at 8:00am, after getting off work the night before at 12:30am) bowling alley employee.

So I have to preface these with the following. Because this is going to so absolutely ridiculous, you'll question its validity. I swear to you all this actually happened. Nothing has been changed or exaggerated. It stands on its own as a testament to reality being more unbelievable than fiction.

As noted, I spent almost six years working a seafood department, these are the two absolute best from my time then.

First and foremost, The Lobster Whisperer. I was closing one night. Our department closed at 9:00, though the store was open 24 hours. It's customary to get some stragglers who come in, ask questions, and maybe buy something, and it's also customary to wait on them graciously. This one particular night, a woman walks in draped in paisley peasant skirts and gypsy tops, with a myriad of necklaces that jangled as she walked. She didn't ask for help, I kept cleaning, it being 15 minutes from closing.

She stands at the lobster tank for a moment, then stoops over, peering into it, her hands moving on the surface, as though it were a crystal ball of some kind. I ignore it and go about cleaning, trying to get out on time. After ten minutes of peering and whispering into the tank, she calls me over.

Me: Yes can I help you?
Lady: Yes... I was just wondering if you feed the lobsters.
Me: No. No, they're usually sold within 24 to 48 hours.
Lady: Mmhm, yes, see I was just speaking with them, and they said they're very hungry, and they don't like being steamed to death. They're very frightened.
Me: ... thanks?

Secondly, The Vegan Dog. A lady walks up to our seafood service case and orders about three ounces of wild Alaskan salmon. I bring up that a standard portion is usually about 6 ounces, just trying to be helpful. Hate to see people go hungry.

Lady: Oh no, thats okay. This is for my dog.
Me: *looks at the $27/lb. item and blinks* Okay, I have to ask, why are you buying high end wild salmon for a dog?
Lady: I'm trying to transition him into vegan cuisine.
Me: Ah ha.
Lady: See, eating other animals isn't natural.
Me: It's... not? *remembering learning about things called carnivores in grade school*
Lady: Oh no, no. In nature, no animals kill or hurt one another. They've only learned that behavior from the presence of humans. Naturally, animals don't eat each other.
Me: I could swear that's not a fact.
Lady: Oh you can look it up. It's absolutely true. Violence is a human invention.

She leaves.

So I hope you liked it. Sorry if it ran long, not sure how to lj cut, I'm painfully technically inept.

Our small vet branches are called small or a reason. They're small. A lot of them are converted houses and the waiting rooms are glorified hallways in some places, this is fine because we shouldn't have more than 2 or 3 clients in at a time. This is the area we have for storing and displaying limited amounts of food and toys. The consultation room only has so many cupboards, so frequently used and vital drugs take priority.

So of course we have to specially order in certain prescription foods, drugs and other things(certain accessories in different sizes, shampoos etc)

If we don't have something we tell clients that we're sorry we don't stock the item but we can have it in by 10am the next day and that they're free to pick it up any time (unless it's a Friday and you have to wait until Monday).

( This is how most of them react: )
TL;DR: People get pissed when they don't get what they want RIGHT NOW DAMMIT(again)

Corner shop.

( Things beyond my control. )

i'm an assisstant manger at the green aproned fabric store. About 30 minutes ago i answered the phone with my usual greeting ":insertcompanyname: in :town: this is--" the lady cut me off to ask her question (not the wtf, people do it sooo often). She asked if we had any advent wreaths/candles and/or holders. I responded in the negative and she then asks where she could find them. Without giving me a chance to even think about it she could she then tells me we should just close. Because we carry nothing for christmas and aren't doing any one any good. I politely told her we have plenty of christmas stuff which angered her more - "no you don't, you have crap. Wrapping paper is not christmas, blahblahblah. You should pass on that you don't have anything for christmas". ......Really now? Just because we don't have advent candles (which i agree we should have) doesn't mean that we don't have any christmas. =\

Please excuse any typo's, wrote this on my cell during lunch!

...gee, ya think?

Slightly sad WTF from a few years ago working at "The Catwater".
I remembered it because the case has been on the news quite frequently in the past few days. A lot of people will know what I'm talking about.

A few years ago there was a shooting downtown on boxing day (Dec. 26th) and a young girl/innocent bystander was killed while shopping. Outside of the store where she was shot there was a tribute set up with lots of flowers and pictures.

About four months after the incident, I was working at a store on the same block about five or six stores down. One day a woman came in and started looking around a little and I went up to her and asked her if she needed anything. She asked me "Where the hell did everything go?"

I wasn't sure what she was talking about and she demanded to speak to a manager. Then she started to yell at my manager that we were horrible people because there was nothing there. Still weren't quite sure what she was referring to. Finally we figured out what she was talking about but she just kept yelling that she came all the way downtown to see the tribute for the girl but there was nothing there and that we should be ashamed of ourselves for taking it down so soon.

In a situation like that, there's really not much you can say. We kept telling her that we were sorry but there wasn't anything we could do. It was really up to the store where it happened. We had no say. Also, correct me if I'm wrong but I think there is actually a "time limit" so to speak on how long tributes are allowed to be kept. Either way, she really wasn't listening to us anyway. She was just ranting, so we kind of let her get it out because there was nobody else in the store. She eventually just left but was still yelling on her way out.

I'm still not really sure why she came into our store to yell at us. My manager that she yelled at was pretty upset by it because she was working the day it happened. It wasn't at our store but it was close enough that it got pretty chaotic and she saw a lot of it happen.

"Hitler's great talent was feedback. He was not a sociopath, but an evil empath, who could literally resonate with the worst emotions of his audience, and learned exactly how to talk and move to amplify those emotions." ~Ran Prieur

"For over thirty years now Modern Corporate Marketing Culture has relentlessly pushed the myth that everything can be made Safe and Nice. That myth has corrupted all too many.

It anthropomorphisizes Nature, detaches us from Death, and creates the delusion, most especially among those of us raised middle class, that 'Love' will fix everything.

It is a terribly crippling myth and I fear it will be the end of many of us. But there are far too many of 'us' anyway, so I suppose that is just Nature taking care of business."

So last night I'm working the closing shift in the cheese shop by myself. No big deal, I've done it before, but this time it's in holiday traffic. I figured my first ever post here should be a tiny collection of some of the real gems people dropped in my lap. So here we go.

Me: *puts out a big honking yellow signs, at least a foot wide, reading "Mozzarella is in the Produce Department Next to Tomatoes." (We'll come back to this)*

Me: Hello, ma'am, can I help you with anything today?
Lady: I need a pound of Leyden.
Me: I'm very sorry, ma'am, we were hit very hard this weekend, and I won't have any more until Friday.
Lady: *pauses expectantly* But I NEED it.
Me: Well, I am truly sorry, but I don't have any. I've got a fairly wide selection of gouda and a caraway havarti, maybe one of those would work in a pinch?
Lady: I don't see why you can't just go back and get some from your cooler. The man did that for me last week.
Me: I assure you if I had any, I'd get it immediately. I have, unfortunately, sold out. If you leave your name, I can call you when we get some in, would that help?
Lady: No.

Yeah so let me just run back to the break room and yank some out of my butt real quick. Thanks for coming in.

Lady: *unceremoniously holding aloft a hunk of cheese and screaming across my department* Hey, hey sir? Sir? Where do I go pay for this?
Me: At the registers at the front of the store, right by the entrance.
Lady: It's my first time in this store, you don't have to be rude!

Oh I'm so sorry, next time I'll remember that to residents of Opposite World I should just refuse to answer their questions. Additionally, if you are from Opposite World, can you wear a t-shirt or badge or jacket of some kind, so I can easily identify how to answer your queries? Thanks in advance!

Lady: Excuse me, I'm interested in purchasing black caviar.
Me: Black caviar?
Lad: Yes, I bought the red caviar you carry on the wall here, and it's not very good. I'd like the black caviar.
Me: Oh you mean the fresh caviar. Sure, we have a 48 hour pre-order policy, because it's such a very expensive item, and it's very highly perishable, so we don't order it into the store unless someone pre-orders. Let me take your name and number and I'll have my manager call you first thing tomorrow morning, as I'm not sure how to go about doing that, having worked in Cheese only since August.
Lady: Okay. *notices the empty display tins in our service case. fails to notice the big honking sign reading "tins are for display purposes only, they contain no caviar. for caviar, please see a service representative."* Can't you just give me one of these?
Me: No, ma'am, those are for display, so you can see the general sizes and accompaniments that you can order. There's nothing in them.
Lady: Yes, of course. I'd like to buy one.
Me: They're a display item, they're empty. Not for sale. Let me take your name and we'll order you some caviar as soon as is humanly possible.
Lady: Alright. I'll take this one.
Me: Okay that's a one ounce tin, what kind of caviar would you like, I'll write it in my note to my manager.
Lady: No, just this one right here. I'll take this one.
Me: Ma'am, that is not actually full of anything. *opens the tin to expose the fresh Pennsylvanian air inside* See?
Lady: You take too long, I don't want it anymore.

About a Thousand People: Where is your mozzarella?
Me: *points at the sign*

Guy: I need a cheese platter right away.
Me: Sir, we usually require 24 hours notice for cheese trays and platters. However, I just finished up with something and have nothing on the docket yet, I can throw you together something quick. It generally takes about twenty to forty minutes, depending on the tray. Which were you interested in?
Guy: Twenty minutes!?
Me: Yes sir.
Guy: You're just lazy! *storms off*

And that's all she wrote. Hope you enjoy, there will almost certainly be more to come.

Just a recap, I work at a cafe/winebar in a small country town that gets pretty busy on weekends. And by pretty busy I mean flat out crazy busy. We're a popular place.

I will easily admit, there can be a wait on meals on the weekends, we have one chef on and the kitchen is honestly about the size of a small wardrobe. Our head chef does the best he can to get meals out quickly and promptly and not let the quality of any of them dip.

That being said, it's not hard to realise there may be a short wait. Look around, we're full, people are having to leave because there are no empty tables and we're warning new customers of a twenty minute wait on meals. Which, really, isn't all that bad considering. And then this happens.

Me: Me!
Lady: Little impatient but overall not mean or anything. Suck comes in at end.

I was manning the coffee machine at this point and am literally stuck in place attempting to get all the take away and and have in orders done.

Lady: Hi? Excuse me, sorry. We've been waiting awhile for out hotcakes, just wondering how long it would be.
Me: Oh? Sorry, one second. -finishes drink and checks the tables docket- Yeah, sorry, you ordered about ten minutes ago. It'll probably be about another ten minutes, but I'll let the chef know if you're in a hurry or anything. We had a fair few orders before yours and we do them in the order that they're placed.
Lady: No that's fine, just thought I'd check.

She leaves, I go back to coffee makings. And then about thirty seconds later she comes back.

Lady: Hi, sorry again. but those people on the table near us, they ordered after us and got theirs first.
Me: Actually, they were originally sitting up near the window there but they moved to that table so they could have more room. I've got the dockets here, they ordered first. I just spoke to the chef though and he said your orders will only be five minutes away.
Lady: Ohh, okay. No, that's fine.

I once again go back to my latte makings. They spoke to another waitress and ended up changing one of the hotcakes to a benedict and ordering another coffee. All goes well, we finally calm down around the end of lunch and start cleaning up when I find a slip near the register for their table which prompts me to ask the other waitress;

"Hey, did they pay for the difference when they changed the meal or their other coffees?"

Other waitress: O.O "Not with me..."

Now there's the suck, I understand it took awhile to get the meals out, but we are busy, you were warned and really it's not that much of a wait in any cafe you go to in this town. But deciding that you deserve something free and just leaving? Oh, hell no.